God’s Promises For The Grieving Heart

God promised:

“And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men , and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.” Revelation 21: 3,4

Same Road

Yesterday I was on my way to get an important document notarized. As proceeded on my route, I noticed a funeral procession going in the same direction as me. I stop and silently pray…. Keeping my distant, I notice they are going toward a familiar route… They are heading in the same direction where my husband is buried. I found myself desperately wanting to follow them. I wanted to become part of that procession. I wanted to see the grieving party, tell them my husband is buried at what seems to be the same cemetery you all are heading toward. I wanted to know if the persons in the main car was a mother, a father, a wife, a husband, or was it an adult daughter, or adult son… Was an aunt, a cousin… Who was behind those tinted windows? I wanted to encourage them and comfort them. The tears won the battle in my eyes… silently they rush down and silently I sobbed. Ironically, I encountered this a day before my girls and I said our goodbyes to my husband and their dad. Today makes 3 years since my husband went home to be with the Lord. Part of me don’t know how to treat this day. This day presented itself like a stray bullet and we were the targets. However, I am learning part of life is trials and it will include losing people you love with all your heart. For the person who lost a loved one, I just want you to know how sorry I am for your lost. Praying you experience God comfort and peace. He understands your pain. He is with you/us.

Shell Shock

I never thought about the fatherless until my kids became part of that world…

Although I was very much a product of it, it was the norm for me as a child but not for them…

I married a man who displayed a character of integrity, honesty, responsibility, and leadership..

He showed me what real men looked like as a husband and father…

A new norm had been created for me…

He opened my eyes and changed my views

Then….

The unthinkable..

He becomes sick and passes away..

Now what…

How do you handle it?

How do you comprehend what just happened?

Spiritual Warfare

Sometimes I see myself walking on a tight rope carrying the pole of life. I see myself tottering, wobbling and wavering. I’m shaken by the uncertainties of life and my inabilities. Seems a lot of people believe in me but I can’t seem to find the confidence in what they see. The thought of making another decision literally frightens me. You may question why I say that… But all of I see are 3 lives depending on me to make the best decision for them. There’s just one me with one decision that could ultimately mess up everything… Deception…. I’m in a relationship with deception and the falsehood of what failure really means. For whatever reason I have this battle in my head and heart that create a feeling of worthlessness and I’m fighting to counter the truth of who I am in Christ. Have you ever had a fear that appeared so real? In my mind, there appears to be a Goliath. I have to realize I have 3 stones… My rock… The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit. For the one reading this who may be in the same battle as I am, “God is our rock,” and “God is our light and our salvation whom shall we fear?” “God is our help and the sustainer of our soul.” (Psalms 27, 46, 54, 62:1-4) Trust in the Word of God for it is living and active and sharper than a two edge sword and put on the Armor of God. (Hebrews 4: 12; Ephesians 6: 10-17) Be encourage. Let us pray for one another.

Celebrate!

Last month, I worked hard preparing our yard for a celebration…

Celebration of a new chapter, and graduation…

My oldest daughter Lauryn graduated from high school…  

I found myself working really hard to make this celebration an expression of how proud I am…

Pulling weeds, clearing out heavy grass areas, manually rock hounding…

Fresh flowers, mulching, grass seeds…

New beginnings… New chapter…. New season

Celebrate….

Celebrate…

But, during this time of preparation I became challenged…

Do God want to have a celebration for me?

Is my winter season over?

Did I graduate too?

Am I willing to stay in an environment that has been cleared out for me?

Someday it feels as though I am…

Although, I want to move forward, there’s some guilt about this action…

I don’t want to forget my mom or Bryant…

Moving on… Does that mean forgotten?

I don’t want to forget their voice… Their smell… Their mannerism…

I can’t…

They are part of me…

They are part of my New Beginning…

Moving on means honor…

I receive this New Beginning…

Happy Birthday

If I knew I would only have 20 birthdays with you, I would have cleaved to every moment with you

I would have told you I loved you as much as possible

I wish I could marry you all over again

I would let you see my fears and not build a wall that didn’t allow you to protect me as you wished

I would place you 1st, and not make you feel 2nd

I wish I could just hold your hand and hear your voice one more time

I haven’t gone on although I know you want me to

Seems I’m stuck and I can’t get out of this rut

I can’t believe your gone

If someone would have told me I would only have 14 marital years with you, I would have loved you with every breath in me

I wouldn’t have responded to you like you an enemy

I would have treasured your words

But it too late and I’m left with so much shame and guilt

I thank you for forgiving me…

Happy Birthday… Love you forever

 

Pruning of life…

The pruning of life has shaped me differently…  but how so?

For me… What was intended for good, I’ve perceived as a punishment…

An intent to take away…

 I’ve created a misunderstanding of loss and missed the lesson in my pruning…

Petrified by what’s behind the corner of life…

Is it a splinter, a nail, or a sword?

Will it destroy me?

Can I get through it?

I’m constantly battling with my thoughts….

Will I believe God’s Word?

He told me He isn’t against me but for me…

Which will I believe?

A lie or the truth?

I choose to believe the truth..

I’m created to make it and so are you…

One Grieving Daughter To Another….

Losing your mom feel like someone stuck a spear in your heart and left you to die

That’s how bad it hurts…

And once they resuscitate you back to life, and you realize you’re not in a dream, the blow of this reality is shocking to the inner core.

The awful fact of this process is you’re not the same and you will never be the same

Your life is different

The person who meant the world to you is no longer on this earth to celebrate you, your child, your family, your accomplishments and that truth is excruciating.

I don’t know when it will get better, but it become a little more tolerable

For one grieving daughter to another, don’t let no one rush your process

I thank God for our hope in the reunification with our Savior and our loved ones

The Hardest Part About Being a Widow..

What is the hardest part about being a #widow?
Is it the empty bed you get into every night?
Is it being a #single #parent now?
Is it making all the decision about the function of the household and children ALONE?
Is it the burdensome responsibilities?
Is it no longer hearing your spouse’s voice or feeling their touch?
Is it carrying the #grief of your children and often putting your emotions aside?
Is it living with the reality that they are no longer here and getting your mind to comprehend they will not come through the door, or say your name, your lips will never touch, your hand will never intertwine, and your hearts will no longer beat together as one.
Today, I can’t figure out which of these realities about being a #widow is the hardest, because all of it is.

Malfunction Heart

Image result for broken heartBeat…Beat…Small pieces inside of me want to live, want to be revived, but I am still paralyzed, I am still immobile and my heart is failing me… How do you go on?

How do you #tell #your #heart #to #beat #again? It’s already broken into a million pieces. Shattered…. This strong muscle called a heart is now weakened by the tragedies of life. It’s barely beating. The very organ that holds the seat of human life is malfunctioning. So how do you live with a malfunctioned heart? How do you live again? Jesus said “I came that you might have life, and might have it abundantly” (John 10:10). But is it abundant after you lose a loved one? The moment you receive the phone call and hear he or she is no longer with you, life doesn’t feel abundant. On the contrary, life FEEL empty and it FEEL like it has been destroyed.

Don’t give up! I say that to you and to me…. Don’t give up? God is on our side (Romans 8: 31-38). He is in the recovery room, mending us and He will restore us back to good health. I’m ready… Are you?